{"title":"Classified Inventory","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe following records exist. The corresponding goods may also exist. Both statements are under review. These items are displayed in compliance with the Ministry transparency directive and withheld in compliance with everything else.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"classified-aleph","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry confirms that a record exists at this location.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry does not confirm the existence of the corresponding good, its\nfunction, its appearance, or the reason for its classification. The record is\ndisplayed in compliance with the transparency directive. Everything legible about\nit has been removed in compliance with everything else.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePENDING DECLASSIFICATION.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525365952590,"sku":"SRD-█-ALEPH","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-bet","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis good has been approved for eventual release on a date that has not been set,\nby an office that has not been identified, following a review that has not begun.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt is real. It is documented. It is, for now, none of your concern — a phrase the\nDirectorate of Withheld Matters insists is meant warmly.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRELEASE DATE UNKNOWN.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525366018126,"sku":"SRD-█-BET","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-gimel","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eA good was requisitioned, catalogued, assigned a release code, and stored before\nanyone confirmed it had been manufactured. It now exists in the system more\nthoroughly than it exists in the warehouse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry considers this an administrative success and a logistical concern in\nequal measure.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eACCESS DENIED.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525366083662,"sku":"SRD-█-GIMEL","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-dalet","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis good was measured three times by three offices and returned three different\nresults. All three are correct. The Ministry has elected not to reconcile them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhat can be disclosed: the item is heavier than its description, lighter than its\nrelease code, and exactly as heavy as the form that requisitioned it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eACCESS DENIED.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525366411342,"sku":"SRD-█-DALET","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-he","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eA good is held at this location pending the outcome of a declassification review\nthat was opened, adjourned, and reopened by the same clerk on the same afternoon.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry assures the public that the review is proceeding. The Ministry does\nnot assure the public that it is proceeding forward.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePENDING DECLASSIFICATION.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525368311886,"sku":"SRD-█-HE","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-vav","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis record describes a good that is known to exist on alternate Tuesdays. On all\nother days its file is marked \u003cstrong\u003eAT LARGE\u003c\/strong\u003e and routed to a division that has\ndeclined to acknowledge receipt.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry recommends patience. The good, it is felt, will turn up. It usually\ndoes. It is usually somewhere it should not be.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRELEASE DATE UNKNOWN.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525368410190,"sku":"SRD-█-VAV","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-zayin","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe good at this location was classified before anyone could agree on what it was.\nThe classification has since become the most reliable thing known about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSeveral departments have requested access. Each was granted a different reason for\ndenial. The Directorate considers this thorough.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eACCESS DENIED.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525369229390,"sku":"SRD-█-ZAYIN","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-het","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis good has been relocated eleven times and has been found, each time, in the\ndrawer it was removed from. The Ministry has stopped relocating it and started\ndocumenting it instead.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt is not lost. It is not missing. It is, in the words of the filing officer,\n\"emphatically present.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eITEM EXISTS ONLY ON PAPER.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525369589838,"sku":"SRD-█-HET","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-tet","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eA good is sealed at this location in a container that no longer opens, by request\nof the good. The request was not written down. It was simply understood, the way\nweather is understood.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry maintains that the container is empty. The Ministry also maintains a\nrespectful distance from it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePENDING DECLASSIFICATION.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525369753678,"sku":"SRD-█-TET","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-shin","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry confirms that a request exists at this location.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe request originated below grade, was carried to the surface against standing\npolicy, and was entered into the record before it could be read in full. Its\nsubject line survives. Its subject line has been removed in compliance with the\ntransparency directive's companion directive.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhat can be released is this: the request was filed by a member of staff in good\nstanding, who remains in good standing, and who remains. The word the request\nuses for its desired outcome is not a recognised inventory action and has been\nstruck.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eREQUEST UNDER REVIEW. REVIEW IS THE OUTCOME.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525370212430,"sku":"SRD-█-SHIN","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-yod","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThis good occupies a single shelf and four hundred pages. The shelf is unremarkable.\nThe pages are not, and have been classified to spare the public the details.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhat may be shared: it is small. It is documented at extraordinary length. No one\nwho has read the full file remembers what the good looks like.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRELEASE DATE UNKNOWN.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525370245198,"sku":"SRD-█-YOD","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-kaf","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe good at this location is the final entry the Directorate is prepared to\nacknowledge. There are further entries. The Directorate is not prepared to\nacknowledge them, and would prefer you had not noticed the numbering.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt is real. It is catalogued. It is the end of what has been cleared for viewing,\nand the beginning of what has not.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eACCESS DENIED.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525373423694,"sku":"SRD-█-KAF","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]},{"product_id":"classified-mem","title":"[ REDACTED ]","description":"\u003cp\u003eThe Ministry confirms that a mineral exists at this location, in the sense that\na location exists at this mineral.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe sample was recovered at depth during the Vertical Inventory and filed under\ngeology, over the objection of the geologist, whose report survives in summary:\nthe sample is consistent with no stratum, predates the shaft it was found in,\nand is warm in a way the instruments describe as \u003cstrong\u003erecent\u003c\/strong\u003e. The geologist's\nfurther remarks have been struck, and the geologist has been reassigned to\nwhere the sample was found, to continue the disagreement locally.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRefined, the mineral is suitable for nutritional enrichment and is so used.\nStaff are directed to NOTICE S\u0026amp;F\/3-071 regarding the hue, which the mineral\nhelps with.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTHE MINERAL IS HELPING. WITH WHAT IS WITHHELD.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Ministry of Unrelated Goods","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":44525374570574,"sku":"SRD-█-MEM","price":0.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}]}],"url":"https:\/\/unrelatedgoods.com\/collections\/classified.oembed","provider":"The Ministry of Unrelated Goods","version":"1.0","type":"link"}