Office of the Chairman: On the Continued Authority of the Chairman Emeritus

The Office of the Chairman wishes to clarify the standing of Chairman Emeritus Maxwell Higgensworth, following repeated inquiries from staff who have either never met him or claim to have met him too often.

The Ministry confirms the following, in order:

• The Chairman has retired.
• The Chairman is alive. The Ministry states this with more firmness than the question usually requires.
• The Chairman continues to approve all operations of the Ministry.

The above are not in conflict. The Chairman’s retirement was filed but never processed, an arrangement he is understood to prefer. He no longer attends the building. The building continues to attend to him.

No decision of consequence is made without his sign-off. That sign-off arrives by means the Office is not authorized to describe, on stationery that predates the Office itself. Staff are reminded that a memo bearing his initials is final, and that his initials cannot be reproduced, forged, or — in two recorded cases — removed.

The date of his appointment remains unknown. The date of his retirement remains unobserved. He is well. He is watching the inventory.

— Office of the Chairman Emeritus